nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
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