I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
We have started to decorate penises.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
