i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
