a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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