its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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