the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize