Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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