Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so let's talk penis.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Mom said you looked used
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
