You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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