Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
