Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
