I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
