some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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