Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
