420 ftw
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
