I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
