My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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