Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
