I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize