Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
