im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
