is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Houston, we have a squirter
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
