Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
vagina is talking i cant
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
