"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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