dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
