Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
