We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I look better un-naked...
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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