I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
