i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i think im in europe. pls send help
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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