Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
