So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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