i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
