I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
