I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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