not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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