I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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