Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
love makes seman taste better
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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