Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
