i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Still dying that you shit outside
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
