someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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