So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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