Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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