i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
