what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
