i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
