i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
