Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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