grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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