well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
