Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
either way he was missing a nipple.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
