Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
When are your genitals available?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
