it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
