It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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