idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
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