I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
