My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
