If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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