Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
