If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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