youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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