OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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