I wish you could order shots online.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
