I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
