I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
