Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
