Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
