if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
