I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
