He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Randomize