I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
